Our first impulse on any of those occasions is to head to the store to buy something, wrap it and proudly deliver it to the person of honor.  Maybe it’s time to think about gift giving differently. Would you rather have another sweater, gift card or tchotchke? Or some uninterrupted quality time to spend with the people you care about?

I began to ponder this during a recent mega gift-giving moment in the life of my own family: The celebration of my father-in-law’s 90th birthday.

Our goal: an intimate immediate-family-only dinner party to celebrate this age milestone. Sounds simple, right? It is simple–until you factor in the realities of modern family life.  The 10 members of our family are spread across six states. All five grandchildren are in college or boarding school and, in April, on the nail-biting edge of finals.   Getting everyone to dinner involved expensive airfares, complex logistics and a willingness to endure a little more stress than usual.

As you would suspect, an enormous amount of time was spent emailing family members,  arranging and paying  for travel, setting up our house to host the family, preparing food,  packing and travelling. All that time went into phase one of this simple family birthday dinner.

Once everyone agreed to the date – a feat in itself – we focused on the dinner and including the birthday boy’s favorites. Dover sole for dinner and pink tulips for decoration, neither easily obtained in April in the Midwest. More time invested in the details.

When the celebration weekend–and all of the houseguests–arrived, we still had not settled on a traditional “gift.”  After some discussion, one daughter settled on champagne; a son on a box of chocolates.  But, I wondered, were those purchased gifts even necessary?

That night at the birthday dinner, Papa regaled us with stories of his life. He was at Pearl Harbor in the Navy when the bombs dropped – and was not amused when he was turned away recently at the Pearl Harbor memorial because of the reduced hours due to budget cuts. He told the grandkids that he saw the Navy as an adventure he was keen to take on when he graduated from college and before he began his professional career – a risk he never regretted taking.
He ended his night of story-telling saying “thank-you” to us and explaining how he ends each day by saying a prayer for each one of us every night.

There it was again- time as a gift.  His gift of time to us in story-telling and prayer each night; our gifts of time listening, showing up, arranging the event.  Time.  The best gift with the highest rewards.  The one that is – often- the hardest to give.  The gift that cannot be bought or wrapped.  The gift we all cherish the most, but tend to value the least when we give it to others.  I closed my eyes that night wondering why it was so hard to consider time a gift – especially when that is what people want from us most of all.

My all-time favorite gifts in my life, the ones that I cherish and remember even today?  The “love-letter” I asked for and got from my husband for Christmas, 2005.  The many homemade cards, even when she was long past the craft stage, from my oldest daughter Allison. And the set of playing cards, on a ring, from my youngest entitled: 52 reasons why I love you – with a reason on each and every card.  All these gifts took time, more time than money, and mean more to me than any store bought gift I have ever received.

So, this summer, give the gift of time with greater confidence.  Know that it is a true gift that pays you back so much more profoundly for your investment than the store-bought versions.  Know that the receiver of this gift of time places great value on the gift. Slow down and make a few memories. Set an example and make time for those you love and those who need your time the most. Look around and I am sure you will see opportunity abounds for the investment of your time in others.

So happy birthday, Papa.  And thanks for the reminder that time has great value, pays extraordinary dividends when invested in others and is the most priceless of gifts one can give.

Do you have a priceless gift story?  If so, please tell me about it.  I’d love to hear your story!

Susan

Please take our short survey.

My child will soon start to learn about money with the Money Savvy Pig. I would like to teach him that a percentage of each dollar goes into each category. Can you recommend a percentage for each category? I realize this is really a personal choice but would really appreciate your suggestions when considering what I would like to teach him.
Thanks for all you do!
Kelley

My response:

Okay – a couple of things to think about here.  First of all, always teach in a way that is “age-appropriate”. So, based on the age of your child, select your approach. When you first begin to use the Money Savvy Pig, which would mean that your child has real coin and currency in their hot little hands to deposit, step back and first  explain each one of the money choices in an age-appropriate way.  There is a video or two on our website about how to explain those choices.  Take a minute and look it and then have a go at it with your child.

Before they deposit one penny:  First, as I said above, talk about what the choices are – then, before they make a deposit, talk about goals for each choice.  For a choice to be meaningful, you have to know what your goal is for that choice.  Set some goals – based again, on the age of the child.  I know that “college” is not an awe-inspiring goal for a 7 year-old, but a larger save goal – like a bike or computer might serve well as an invest goal to get the child to understand the difference between save and invest.  Save should, at the youngest ages, be very short-term, toy, book, video.  While invest can be a year out. For the older child, save goals are a year away and invest, 10 years in the future.

Then, once you have had the choice and goal discussion, step aside and let your child make the distribution – without any input from you.  Just observe. My blog has more on this – but take a look at the video and do not prescribe an allocation of deposit – the child will show you what’s important to them as they make more and more deposits in any one choice.  It’s then that you as a parent can really see where their head is and can then incent the choice that is being ignored – or teach to that choice – until the child is more aware of or more comfortable with it.

Make sure they have enough coin to make a number of choices.  If they are very young, make sure they understand the values of the coin and/or currency they are using.  As you begin, the point is to make this choice provocative.  Make them want to take any and all money to the pig! It will develop a habit of money choice and delaying gratification.  You may need to remind them when they are young and incent them by matching each deposit when they are a bit older as they are dying to spend, spend, spend!

Now, if you observe your little darling is putting it all in spend, then you have your work cut out for you –

Let me know how it goes, Kelley!

Best,

Susan

The Best way To Teach Kids About Money? Slip It Into Math and English Classes - Time.com

Why We Said ‘No’ to Our Daughter’s No. 1 College Choice – Kansas City Star

8 Tips for Landlords, Renters in the Under-30 Crowd – Money Under 30

Former Bank Senior Vice President Teaches Kids Basics of Finance – Debt.org

So parents, partner up on the cost of anything with your kids to help them understand value.  All kids, at every age, need to have “skin in the game” to care – even when it comes to college. 

Parents’ Financial Support May Not Help College Grades - New York Times

How to Handle Kids’ Money Mistakes – Eqiufax

Here’s the full article if you are interested in learning more…

Smile, Kid, It Might Make You Richer

January 4, 2013

By KRISTINA PETERSON

Earning more money tends to make people happier, at least up to a point. But new research suggests the reverse may also be true: happier people actually go on to make more money.

In a study of more than 10,000 Americans, those who experienced more positive daily emotions and felt more satisfied with their lives while growing up earned more income by age 29, according to research from University College London and London School of Economics professor Jan-Emmanuel De Neve and University of Warwick economics professor Andrew Oswald. The paper, published last month in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, was presented Friday at the American Economic Association’s annual meeting.

The researchers drew on data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health between 1994 and 2008 that asked students how often statements like “You enjoyed life” had been true during the past week. Later, when students were older, they also answered the question “How satisfied are you with your life as a whole?”

Students who described themselves as happier at age 16 and 18 and felt more satisfied with their lives at age 22 earned more income at age 29. On a scale of one to five, a one-point increase in life satisfaction at age 22 translated into about $2,000 more in later earnings. The mean income was around $35,000.

Among siblings, a one-point increase in life satisfaction at age 22, compared with the mean of the family, translated into a nearly $4,000 difference in earnings at age 29, compared with the family mean.

The analysis suggests happiness isn’t just linked to higher income—it is helping generate it.

“The takeaway of this is the relationship between income and happiness runs in both directions,” Mr. De Neve said Friday.

That could be because happier young adults are more likely to earn a college degree, get hired and promoted, be more optimistic and less neurotic, the researchers posit. In their analysis they controlled for other factors, such as education, height and self-esteem.

Being really happy helps some: Those reporting a “very happy” adolescence earned an income about 10% above the average. But being unhappy hurts far more—those who experienced a “profoundly unhappy” adolescence made about 30% less than the average income, the paper found.

Still, a connection between personal happiness and greater income could be good news for countries struggling to boost economic growth, the authors suggest.

“For policymakers, the existence of these mechanisms raises the possibility that a happier society may be one that intrinsically generates higher incomes for its citizens,” the paper notes.

Write to Kristina Peterson at kristina.peterson@dowjones.com

A version of this article appeared January 5, 2013, on page A2 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: Smile, Kid, It Might Make You Richer.

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